This post has been awhile coming.
I've been trying not to think about it, to focus my mind on what I have right here in front of me.
But there are some days, some nights, that it just gets to be too much.
I wish I had one person, just one, that I could spill everything to. One person I could tell about our lifestyle, one person who I could say "I just got spanked" to and not have them go "OH MY GOD!!!!"..........ya know what I mean?
Yeah, I know...........I have my Ace, and of course I am so very thankful for Him and for the fact that I have a partner to share this life and lifestyle with.
But some days, and some nights, thats just not enough.
He is my HOH, my Husband, my lover, my best friend.............but He cant see this lifestyle the way that I can. He sees it as HOH, in His role which is perfectly right. But I dont have someone outside of us that I can spill to, that I can share everything with and have them completely understand.
Thats really what I want--someone I talk to about this without them a) fearing for my safety; b) accusing Ace of abuse; or c) thinking I have lost my marbles as there is no way this is consensual.
It is consensual, and I want it this way---but I dont have anyone who can understand this as a lifestyle choice that we have made, and not just some weird, kinky fetish or abuse I suffer at His hand.
I have only ever told one vanilla person, who was a friend of mine, about this lifestyle--that person proceeded to get very VERY angry with Ace, refused to believe this was in any way a choice of mine and that He is controlling me with fear and discipline, and that I should seek help immediately. When I tried again to explain it as a free-will choice and how it works, this person stopped me and ended the conversation by telling me they no longer wished to be friends with me. That was almost two years ago, and I have never heard from that person again.
And I have never told anyone else.
I very much want to add "yet" to the end of that last sentence...........
I've never told anyone else................yet...........
~sugar
