Spanking Christmas Carols

This first one is set to the song "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer".
    

 Grandma got her ass spanked by a reindeer

Walking home from my house Christmas Eve

She tried to tell me Santa is a hoax

But He gave her a reason to believe!

This one is set to "I'll be Home for Christmas".

I'll be sore for Christmas

He has told me so

We'll have "ooooooo"

And "No, no, no!!!

And then its cornertime.

My ass will be smarting

A sorry girl I'll be

I'll be sore for Christmas

Its coal and canes for me!

This one is set to "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"

Hark, the Head of Household says

"Get your ass up on that bed!"

Peace is gone, no mercy nigh

Just His hand, raised to the sky.

Squirmy on the bed she waits

For the brush she loves to hate

Hears a "crack" and hollers "ow!"

All thoughts of bratting banished now!

Hark the Head of Household says

"She'll be a good girl now, I bet!"

This one is set to just the verse part of "Jingle Bells".

Dashing throught the house,

Away from Him I'll run

Until He's out of breath

And I have Him undone!

When He catches me

A spanking I will get

And then I'll be a happy girl

Its our best Christmas yet!!

And finally, this last one really made Ace laugh. Its set to "The Little Drummer Boy".

Come He told me.

      (Oh crap thats not good!)

Our implements to see.

(Oh sh*t thats not good!!)

You need a spanking dear

(Oh no, thats ok!)

So get your ass over here!

(Wait, what did He say?!?)

(Oh hell no, no way!!!)

(Just GO AWAY!!!!!)

"Now you're TOAST dear" thats what He said

(Sh*t, I'm dead, dead,DEAD, DEAD!!)

Happy Holidays! Enjoy! :)

Happy Holidays!

Ok so, lots of things going on here still. I wasnt planning on blogging again, or at least not this soon, but I've been handed some material that is too good to pass on.


We were in the store the other day, innocently browsing through the Christmas stuff when spank-o-vision happened. Sitting in a box at the end of an aisle, were these:



I turned just in time to see Ace tap it against His hand, then turn to me with an evil grin.

"You know what this looks like, dont you?"

"Yeah, and no we are not corrupting Christmas!" I laughed. (Some things I'll kinkify, but not Christmas!)

Well, yeah.......that didnt work! He found it intriguing how closely this resembled a cane and decided we were gonna try it. (Um......yeah, I dont think so, canes are a no-no for me!)

Anywho, needless to say the dang thing came home with us. He talked me into trying it one time for Him with the promise that He would go slowly and be gentle with it.

And so, I've been caned for the first time. Well, kinda. Candy caned I guess (does that count?) I'll spare the details, but the candy cane didnt last long(flimsy) and I found that I didnt hate it as much as I was anticipating, although its not a real cane so my fear of that implement remains.

Tonight we were in the bedroom, taking care of a responsibility issue. I seem to be having trouble with things I am supposed to do. I remember about half of them on any given day. I get discipline for what I forget, and hence remember those things the next day but in the process I forget the first set of things that I had been remembering. I just cant seem to get into a pattern of doing all of it at the same time. Its been a struggle because it looks like I am being stubborn and/or defiant, but that is not where my heart is at all! There are just certain things, little things, that I either do or dont do without really thinking about it, particularly when focused on bigger or more important things.

Anywho, (sorry for above tangent!), tonight the subject of Christmas and particularly Christmas music came up between Ace and I. He definitely hates Christmas music, stemming from years working at a bank that played the same music over and over from Halloween to Valentines Day! He's jokingly began refering to Himself as a scrooge (His words, not mine!!) He was complaining tonight about a lack of new Christmas music and at one point, He mentioned creating an album Himself. My first thought was "what would He call it? "Spank your wife for Christmas??"). No sooner than that thought popped into my head He began laughing and said He would call it " Spanking Her Red for Christmas". This began a lively conversation between us on Spanking Christmas Carols. He threw out some ideas for songs, and I began playing with lyrics. I'll post them separately as this is getting a bit long. :)



Changes

Lots of changes going on this week---its been a whirlwind. Between school, work, all of my daughter's activities, and other commitments there hasnt been a whole lot of time for us to figure out where we are going with this.

I followed through with His request and shared more thoughts and ideas with Him. We found a few minutes together, He asked some questions and I did my best to answer them. Its hard to describe how He is feeling about this right now. Maybe a combination of freaked out, nervous, surprised, anxious, amused, and intrigued.......all at once (some more than others).

As I said, lots of changes. He's definitely trying. I've asked Him to step more into the dominant role in our relationship---I dont want that to be mine anymore, and He has taken that to heart.

He set up definitive rules and expectations of me---I asked Him to do so, I need to feel like there is structure here instead of floundering around, doing what I want and when without knowing or even caring what He thinks. That obviously wasnt working. Now I have at least a few things to keep me focused and centered where I need and want to be. It feels so much better, for both of us. Its given us both a way to know what the other wants without waiting to find out until frustration and defensiveness have already set in. This is hard to explain. It sounds like we were fighting/angry at each other all the time before this and thats not true at all. We never fight. But I do think there were things I was doing that frustrated Him, although He didnt accuse me of them or even decide to vocalize them. They were there, pulling us apart, without us knowing or even really caring.....we just kinda let them go, without taking time to address the negative impact on us.

When we discussed setting up specific house rules, He was apprehensive and unsure, centered around the idea of feeling like He would be treating me like a child, instead of His wife and partner (have I mentioned how much I love this man?) Most of His questions involved this idea---it was difficult for me to explain to Him how I felt and what the differences were. He has agreed to it, but I'm not sure He fully understands why just yet. We worked together on what the rules would be. One was already in place, regarding me having my driver's license on me at all times. The rest include more responsibilty around the house, spending at least an hour on schoolwork a day (that one will be difficult for me, I'm a procrastinator), watching/working on my temper, and  (at lest until I get feeling better) getting more sleep at night (so far, not a problem as I am falling asleep early in the evenings anyway). I was expecting leniency the first day or two the rules were in place--its a big adjustment after all---but Ace held me to them from the very beginning. And I am glad that He did. If He had made exceptions, I am sure I would look for exceptions again.

I'm surprised reading over this how long it is---I wasnt intending it to be or to necessarily share as much as I have. At the same time, this is only scratching the surface and there is no way I could explain the intimate details of the changes taking place. Its much more complicated and intricate than this. I am going to be more choosy about what I am putting out here---I feel like I may have been sharing too much in the past, and not keeping enough of this for just Ace and I. That may have been factoring into the difficulties we've had.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and commenting on the blog. Its appreciated! I was going to participate in the Love our Lurkers day and then changed my mind---I dont know that there are that many lurkers to this page anywho. If you are, feel free to de-lurk here or elsewhere---most bloggers I know appreciate knowing who exactly is reading/following their blog.  :)

Communication

So, I was thinking about my last post alot after I read it. Read and responded to comments, and thought some more. I was looking at the very real possibilty of ending this lifestyle for good.

I knew we needed to talk about this. Ace had no idea I was feeling this way about ttwd, and I knew I couldnt decide to end it without telling Him why. I waited until I had a few minutes alone yesterday afternoon, and wrote Him a email with my thoughts and feelings. I didnt tell Him, or ask Him to read it but waited for Him to find it.

He spanked me last night---and it completely confirmed how I was feeling. It was flat, empty---virtually nothing was said between us and afterwards He went back to His office to work and I fell asleep. It just confirmed to me that this has become a chore, there is no substance to it whatsoever. And I knew then that its not working and its time to call it quits. I resigned myself to the idea of  returning to a vanilla life.

This morning, I was working on homework when Ace came in and asked to talk to me. And talk we did. We spent the next three hours just talking about ttwd and our feelings about it.

And I discovered that Ace was feeling exactly the same way I was. He, like me, had no idea how to go about saying it or changing it. I discovered that He doesnt want to stop this lifestyle but He agrees that where we are now is not working. He admitted being unsure of what to do and being too dominant in the relationship for fear of damaging me physically or emotionally and my heart just melted. He has so much love and concern for me that He couldnt see going any farther than the very littlest bit we have done. I erased His fears and concerns and He erased mine. He told me He does want to be in this fully but He has not been fully committed to the idea and it has just degenerated as a result. I had no idea He felt as He did. Some of the things He said really surprised me. He has just as many ideas and as much desire to move forward with this as I do but had no way to tell me.

Of course, I had doubts. I asked Him, several times, if He is doing this because its what He wants or what He knows I want. The answer wasnt what I was expecting (He said both). I was expecting Him to acknowledge doing this for me and because He loves me ( a very good reason) which He did but He made it very clear that He also wants to continue this journey. We picked apart my email to minute details and discussed where we go from here. We talked about different kinds of dominance: in our household the difference in dominance when He is punishing me as opposed to when we are playing/making love; in public, how He speaks to me and acts (I asked Him to be more dominant here) and He mentioned extending this on a smaller scale to other interactions as well (difficult to explain). We talked about different actions and implements for punishment and for other things; about Him taking more control over the household and me. He asked me to think about this more and email Him exactly what I am thinking of for us and ttwd.

I'm feeling a little nervous and excited about this whole thing. I want to believe this change will happen, we desperately need to change here, but there is one little part of me that is raining on the parade, one nagging little voice warning me not to get too excited about it just yet.

But at least now I know I am not alone. And if we work together, we just might make it work.

Updates and Thoughts

So, I'm feeling pretty much the same. Not sure what nonsense this is, but its persistant! I took my spanking from Ace for my attitude. I'll spare the details but it was very intense and there was no warm-up. The spanking itself was hard, but then He took the ruler to my hands and that really, really hurt! He had remembered that I told Him(after experimenting with the ruler) if He ever needed to seriously discipline me, that was how to do it. He was surprised by how much it hurt me as I can take a fair amount of physical pain. I think the idea of it hurt more than the action itself--it felt more like a punishment than our normal routine, and I was feeling alot more vunerable and contrite as a result.

There's been so much going on---so many things running through my head. I've been struggling alot with ttwd. This isnt new for me. I've felt this way since the first day I mentioned it to Him.

Here's the thing---Ace isnt a spanko. I tried to make Him one. And therein lies the problem. This doesnt come naturally and is very difficult for Him. I know, without a doubt, this is not something He would ever have chosen.

And that makes me feel so guilty. I've completely molded and changed this man to serve my own interests. And that strikes me as being selfish.

I know that He does it because He loves me and would do anything for me, but this isnt something that He wants to do. And I hate the idea of this happening because its what I want instead of we want/need. I feel like I'm forcing it on Him.

I love my Ace, more than anything. The idea that He was willing to even listen to this, and then do it, without divorcing me or dropping me off at the local funny farm is extraordinary.

But I dont want this when it feels this way. When it feels forced, when its my idea instead of His, and when I know this isnt something He wants to do but feels like He has to for me.

Its very late, and I am not expressing this how I am intending to. I just dont know whether to stay right where we are(neither of us happy with the situation) to push on ahead without Him, or to go back to vanilla life with Him. I cant imagine doing either of the last two. If I have to choose, then its to go back to being vanilla with Him---I cant do this otherwise. That would be the hardest thing I have ever had to do---going back to supressing this lifestyle, but moving ahead without Him beside me for the journey is just not an option. I want to give this up entirely to Him, let Him decide, and find a way to make it work. I've been vanilla before, I can do it again right?

I am just tired of feeling like I am being selfish for wanting this when I know He doesnt. I dont want to feel like I am changing everything He was and is just to satisfy my own personal desires. I cant make Him into something He's not.

Spanking Postponed

We were sitting together on the couch, watching Survivor. I had been waiting for a quiet moment with Him to talk.

You see, I was late for work yesterday morning. But wait, it wasnt my fault! Lemme explain.....

I got to work 12 minutes early and was sitting in my car. My co-workers showed up over the next few minutes, with the exception being our opening manager. At five minutes to five (thats a.m.!) we walked to the door to wait and were talking amongst ourselves. Three, four, five minutes.......no manager. Dang.
So there we are, stuck outside with no way to get into the building. A few people were inside working overnight to change floor plans, but we were told they are permitted to open the door for us.

Two, three, four minutes later and we are now four minutes late. Then five. Finally, at six minutes after someone from inside came and unlocked the door. Complications arose as we were told by management that this person wasnt supposed to let us in, but that person was insisting that we should have rang the door buzzer to summon her and we wouldnt have been late. Those of us on the morning crew stated that our times needed to be changed in the computer so we wouldnt show up as being late when we werent, but the two people inside (and unfortunately, our manager when we discussed it later) decided that it was in fact our fault, our times would not be changed, and we were going on the record as late. : <

I knew I had to tell Ace. My one year review is coming up and this could very well affect whether I get a raise or not (I sincerely hope it doesnt). I have been punished by Him for being late earlier this year, and He warned me about getting any more demerits for it. This time, it really wasnt my fault but it is still on my record just the same and I was sure He wasnt going to be happy about it.

I was snuggled into His arms, waiting for the right moment to bring it up, and formulating how to tell Him.


Um, babe, can I tell you something?

Yeah, whats up?

Well, something happened this morning at work.

What is it?

Well, I was kinda late this morning......  (insert dark look from Ace here)

We've talked about this.     (His tone matched His look <shiver>)

I know, but wait, cuz it wasnt really my fault!

Oh, really???    (He's giving me that "yeah right" look)



I explained the whole story to Him---He was very patient and listened to everything I said. I confessed my concern about the review and how I desperately didnt want to screw it up  (I could really use that raise). After I was done, we sat quietly for a few minutes as He mulled over my confession. Finally, I couldnt take it any longer.

Are you gonna spank me for this?

Does that seem fair to you?

Well, honestly babe, no..........it wasnt my fault at all, there was nothing I could do. (the one time I could say no!)

I agree. It wasnt your fault.

So, you're not going to spank me then? 

Not for that.

Whew. Thanks babe, for understanding. Wait, what do you mean "not for that"?

I'm not mad at you and I'm not going to spank you for being late, but you are still getting a spanking.

WHAT????????? WHYYYYYY??????


He gave me His reason and I couldnt argue. The other morning, I gave Him a serious amount of attitude. I've been sick (cold/sinus stuff with body aches, headaches, and a miserable cough for 2 weeks) and that particular morning was the worst day I had. I dragged myself out of bed, just to end up collapsing on the couch. Our daughter had school that morning, and I had to get up and get her ready while Ace was doing something else. My little one was in a very contrary mood that morning and I really wasnt feeling very understanding or patient. Suffice to say, by the time I got done fighting her into clothes and fed, and got around myself , I was feeling very contrary as well! I gave Ace a very large piece of my mind (which I really cant spare by the way!) about trying to do all of this by myself while feeling like.......well I wont say what I told Him, but it wasnt good at all! He let me rant and rave for a few minutes, more or less ignoring it, and we took our daughter to school. After we came home, He gave me some space and time to cool down and we continued through the day, although the issue was never addressed.

Having had some time to think about it, I knew I could talk to Him now calmly and respectfully and express to Him just how hard that morning was. He again was kind enough to let me spill out everything that I had to say. He apologized for not understanding that day and not realizing just how rough I was feeling and how hard it had been. I apologized for not telling Him, and letting it build up until I exploded at Him instead.

After apologies were exchanged we both felt better about it, but He reminded me (gently) that I am not permitted to disrespect Him or lose my temper that way, particularly in front of our child. He is completely right, and I felt terrible for doing it. I knew I should have checked myself, but I was angry and wanted Him to know it. He told me He would make a small adjustment to the spanking I had coming, due to the fact that I have been struggling physically lately, but I could still count on being spanked for my attitude and disrespect.
This time, I had to agree. This was one I deserved and even needed. We agreed to finish watching Survivor before getting down to business. 

I had lost interest in the show, so I moved over to the computer to work on a school project. It was then that my nightmare began. I had to re-format the entire paper  I was working on, numerous times (the program was being a pain in the ass) and I was quickly getting frustrated. Just when I thought I had it saved and done, I recieved an error message. <sigh> Stupid computer. So I closed the program and tried to re-open it. The only problem was, my paper was GONE! Capital G-O-N-E, its gone! Oy!

This assignment is something I am supposed to do every week for the whole semester, so that paper represents 8 weeks worth of work, down the drain. I lost it. I had a complete and total meltdown. Ace, being better with computers that I am, tried everything He could to get it back. Nothing. I became seriously engaged in trying to retrieve that paper, and knowing how important it was, Ace postponed my spanking so I could keep working on it.

 I stayed up last night until almost 2 a.m. and went back to it at 8 this morning (I'm exhausted!) I havent gotten it back and if I dont I have to decide if I have enough time to re-do it. This would require 14 weeks worth of work for me over the next 5 weeks.......yikes. I'm not sure if I can do it.

*UPDATE* I wrote the above this morning while waiting for a file recovery program to work. It didnt. But, I was able to get the text back from the assignment by opening it with a very outdated program---all I have to do is retype/ format what I had and do the rest of the assignment (I am gonna try to do it early) and then find some way of converting the file into something readable by my professor. Alot of work, but a heck of a lot less than typing the whole thing again. So thankful I got some of it back! :) I still have to face the music with Ace tonight---not looking forward to it, but at least it will be over. Hopefully, it will help me remember to curb my temper and be more respectful.