Today is a wonderful day. Seven years ago today, I laid eyes on my Ace for the first time. I dont believe in love at first sight, never have-----but I have absolutely no idea how else to describe it. We met for just a few minutes (He was on His way to a concert with His bestie at the time, a local superstar that He did sound mixing for) but He knew my mom before He knew me, so a few hours later He called and we met up at a restaurant. We had a lovely time that night. The next day, He called again and we made plans to go out (Ace and I, His bestie, a friend, and my sister) as a group to see a movie. By now, the attraction was obvious, and while Ace and I were floating around in our own little world, everyone else was aiding and abaiting the matchmaking. We ended up sitting next to each other----half way through the movie, His hand brushed mine and I remember looking over at Him to see if it was accidental or.......... :)
It wasnt accidental. He played around for a few more minutes, brushing my hand lightly with His, watching me out of the corner of His eye while trying to look like He was watching the movie. The movie was winding down (I have no idea what it was about) when He finally moved His hand and laced His fingers through mine. I cant find an appropriate way to describe how I felt after that. Happy, elated, floating on a cloud.........yeah all that, and a thousand other things too.
We went to eat again, and spent some time getting to know each other more. It was then that I decided to move where Ace was. Up until then, I had live 6 hours away and had only come with my sister for a visit to the area, but I knew this was where I needed to be. Saying goodbye to Him was the hardest thing I had ever done, but thankfully it was only for a day. I rushed back "home", packed everything, and was back to Ace in a little more than a day. We continued dating, spent holidays together, and even took a trip to California together. It was when we returned from that trip that we decided to get married.
Now, most people dont rush something like this. I never intended to marry as young as I did and I never would have dreamed it would have happened as it did. We met at the end of October, were engaged in May, and married in August. WHEW!!!!
I always tell people that we moved rather quickly through the early stages of our relationship but a friend actually told me "No, you moved naturally". I've thought about that alot, and I really like that way of looking at it. We were crazy for each other, and we followed our hearts through the natural (and quick!) progression.
I am so thankful for my Ace. Its days like today that make me realize just how much I need Him. I had lost everything I thought was important to me just before I met Him. I had nothing to live for and no reason to remain on this earth. My plans were made, and I was saying goodbye. And then I was handed a reason to pause, think, and decide. I decided I wanted to live. I was young and naive, and wasnt seeing the long term picture until I met Him. And suddenly, I could see myself as His wife, our child's mother. I could see a man who was opening His heart to me, who wanted to love me unconditionally and forever. I wanted that more than anything and so did He. Ace showed me how to love again, how to care, how to let go of the past and grab onto the future with Him. I love Him more than I could ever say and I am so thankful to be His wife.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Dr. Pepper
So, we were watching the baseball game tonight when a commercial came on t.v. for a new Dr. Pepper that has only 10 calories. The commercial was very "macho" and played off the Terminator/ Indiana Jones theme. I am someone who normally rolls my eyes at displays like this. I very truly believe that men and women should be treated the same and have the same opportunities (including wages!!) I submit to my husband willingly and try to maintain a level of deference for men in general (I am not always successful, but I do try to be respectful and if I cant be that, then I try to at least be silent). However, this position in no way means I am a pushover or a doormat to be stomped across. Respect is a two way street. While I submit to Ace, He does not demean me or put me down and that is a very important aspect to our relationship.
Anywho, back to the commercial. As I said, this is something I might mutter a comment about---something along the lines of "sexist, chauvanistic bullcrap". I didnt tonight--both Ace and His little brother were sitting in the room, as well as my daughter, so I bit my tongue. And then........oh lordy, folks........and then, they went and said it. The slogan at the end of the new Dr Pepper commercial:
"ITS NOT FOR WOMEN"
I tell you what.......not only did I react, but BOTH my Husband and His brother jumped all over that. The first to speak was my brother in law who commented on how very sexist and disgusting that was---this from a 21 year old! THANK GOODNESS THERE ARE MEN LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD!
This prompted alot of discussion between Ace and I, none of it even remotely supporting this ad in any way. Let me just say, I am SO SO SO THANKFUL for a husband like Ace. Not only does He love me, but He shares my view of women as a whole and has genuine respect for those in His life and for women in general. He said alot of things in support of women tonight that just melted my heart and made me fall in love with Him all over. I am so lucky to have such a caring, sensitive man in my life. We talked about this quite a bit and He shared with me how the message of this advertisement is something He hopes our daughter will never believe-----we have always believed in the idea of pushing her to recognize her own "awesomeness", whether that means as a dancer, construction worker, teacher, police officer, or whatever she decides. I believe that is true for everyone---the potential to be awesome (or as I usually say "awesomely amazing") rests in each individual. Its not our job to dictate roles---its our job (particularly with our children) to recognize the unique potential that rests in each soul (which dont have a gender by the way, but thats a different discussion!) and do everything we can to fuel that potential and see that is is realized.
Ok, this is turning into a rant.......sorry! :) I am truly thankful for my Ace and for men who are willing to stand up and show their support for women.
P.S. Please join me in boycotting this brand and other products made by its parent company (7-up) until they remove/apologize for this advertisement. This is just degrading and disgusting and there is no excuse for it whatsoever.
Anywho, back to the commercial. As I said, this is something I might mutter a comment about---something along the lines of "sexist, chauvanistic bullcrap". I didnt tonight--both Ace and His little brother were sitting in the room, as well as my daughter, so I bit my tongue. And then........oh lordy, folks........and then, they went and said it. The slogan at the end of the new Dr Pepper commercial:
"ITS NOT FOR WOMEN"
I tell you what.......not only did I react, but BOTH my Husband and His brother jumped all over that. The first to speak was my brother in law who commented on how very sexist and disgusting that was---this from a 21 year old! THANK GOODNESS THERE ARE MEN LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD!
This prompted alot of discussion between Ace and I, none of it even remotely supporting this ad in any way. Let me just say, I am SO SO SO THANKFUL for a husband like Ace. Not only does He love me, but He shares my view of women as a whole and has genuine respect for those in His life and for women in general. He said alot of things in support of women tonight that just melted my heart and made me fall in love with Him all over. I am so lucky to have such a caring, sensitive man in my life. We talked about this quite a bit and He shared with me how the message of this advertisement is something He hopes our daughter will never believe-----we have always believed in the idea of pushing her to recognize her own "awesomeness", whether that means as a dancer, construction worker, teacher, police officer, or whatever she decides. I believe that is true for everyone---the potential to be awesome (or as I usually say "awesomely amazing") rests in each individual. Its not our job to dictate roles---its our job (particularly with our children) to recognize the unique potential that rests in each soul (which dont have a gender by the way, but thats a different discussion!) and do everything we can to fuel that potential and see that is is realized.
Ok, this is turning into a rant.......sorry! :) I am truly thankful for my Ace and for men who are willing to stand up and show their support for women.
P.S. Please join me in boycotting this brand and other products made by its parent company (7-up) until they remove/apologize for this advertisement. This is just degrading and disgusting and there is no excuse for it whatsoever.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Last night.....
Ok, so I am not going to go into details here about the little thing that started all of this----it was a stupid, silly, little thing that I overlooked and He held me accountable for. And as much as it hurt, I'm glad I have that from Him. I desperately need someone to be accountable to......He is stepping into that role.
So, just that small thing.......no big deal. Except..........I have this one little thing that was bothering me. It's called a conscience and doggone it, the darn thing works overtime on me. (I was just reading A loves Z, and I can completely relate to what Ashley was saying! We've lived the same thing this week with those nagging little voices!)
I honestly didn't think what I did was all that bad. We were sitting together on the couch, discussing the other incident when I found myself blurting out something much bigger.
That particular day, we had an issue come up at the house that required His presence to deal with. Normally, we go to our daughter's school to have lunch with her, but this was one day that Ace told me to go alone as He needed to stay at home. And so, I went and spent some time with my daughter and then came home. Later, we were headed out the door to run a few errands before picking our daughter up from school. Ace took advantage of the privacy afforded us in the garage and gave me a few hard swats, after which I jumped into the driver's seat. We ran about town and finished all of the things we needed to do and then went to the school a few minutes early.
This is where I had my second "oh crap" moment. It was at this time that I realized I had been driving both times without my driver's license on me. I really never even thought about it until that moment. Normally I keep it in the bag I carry with me to work so I have it on me when I am driving back and forth. It never occurred to me to take it with me yesterday. I already knew Ace was driving home, and we were in public, so I tried to swallow down the "oh crap" feeling and move on. After all, nothing had happened and even if I would have been stopped, I have a clean record and the police in this town know our family (because Ace's dad works in the ER at the hospital so he has had to conduct business with them all at times and he is friends with a few of them otherwise) so I am pretty sure I would have gotten a warning at the worst. So, no harm done..........right???
Yeah, nope. No such luck. It was just killing me for the rest of the day. I already was preoccupied with the coming session, and I knew this wasn't something I was gonna be able to keep to myself. Nothing happened, but it could have and it could have cost me a ticket.
Fast forward to the evening. We were sitting together on the couch, discussing the other incident. There was a break in the conversation where neither of us was speaking---He was engrossed in the ball game and I was being hammered by my conscience and the anxiety of what was coming. And then, I found myself telling Him that I had something I needed to tell Him. He asked if it was something to do with the previous incident and I told Him no, it was something He didn't know about yet. Suffice to say, baseball no longer existed at that moment.
He encouraged me to tell Him and listened carefully. I had absolutely no idea how He was going to react, but I was not expecting the reaction I got at all!!!!
Have you ever heard the term "righteous anger"? My grandma used to use that all the time. She also used to call it getting quietly angry. And let me tell you, quiet anger is much MUCH scarier than loud anger. That smoldering look..........<shiver> He was angry, and it honestly scared me because this man has the patience of a saint and never gets this way with me. I have seen Him close, but never actually to this point.
To be honest, I was more than a little confused and surprised. It didn't seem like that terrible of a thing to me. What I didn't realize is that His mindset had gone to a whole different place. I would find this out later.
The issue was no longer about the smaller incident or even the plain fact of driving without a license. His big issue with me became........responsibility. He was angry that I knew better than these things and yet I had done them anyway with little or no thought. <gulp>
I couldn't argue. He was right, and I knew it. And of course, by this time, before the scolding and spanking even started I was feeling very small and chastised. I knew better.
And so, He decided things are going to change. Before He spanked me, I was informed that a few things are going to become rules for me. The first involves taking responsibility around the house (stemming from the smaller incident earlier) and I am never, ever to be in a car---even passenger---without my license.
This is a very big change for us. Ace has never, ever set down rules for me. And there has never really been any accountability for things like this specifically. I'm not exactly sure whats next for us, but this is definitely something I need. My parents set very specific rules for me and my siblings and we were held to them. As much as I hated it then, I can recognize now that I badly need that that structure and someone to answer to.
And then, the hardest part. This was a real discipline spanking. It changed my headspace completely----I was feeling very nervous and humbled by the control He had taken over me. There was no warm-up and no sympathy. He spanked me very hard with His hand and the silver hairbrush. I am sure this was the hardest spanking I have ever had for two reasons. First, He has never been truly angry with me when He has spanked me before, and I could feel the difference in His tone and His hand. Second, although there was little to no marking afterwards (none today) after He stopped, I had intense pain in my hips that brought me to tears.
Ace never strikes me on my hips-----its my most sensitive area and it is one thing I have asked Him never to do with me. He has always honored that---even on this night when He was quite upset with me. So for the record, it was not because He had spanked me there. I had taken more hard strokes with the brush than ever before and I think that pain just spread and registered differently. That pain, combined with having confessed to Him and been punished, was what brought me to tears.
To be honest, there wasn't a whole lot of comfort afterwards (not that I deserved any). He was concerned about the pain I was feeling and the difficulty I had with moving, but it was late and He had work to do, so He more or less left me to think about what had happened and gather myself. I tried to get a few things done, but was having a really hard time moving around, so after about fifteen minutes I gave up and laid down on the couch. He found me there sleeping a little while later, kissed me goodnight, and went to bed Himself.
Before you get too concerned, I am better today. I was a little stiff this morning and I could definitely still feel the effects of last night, but I am not permanently damaged or injured. I learned a hard lesson, and it's not one I am likely to forget soon.
So, just that small thing.......no big deal. Except..........I have this one little thing that was bothering me. It's called a conscience and doggone it, the darn thing works overtime on me. (I was just reading A loves Z, and I can completely relate to what Ashley was saying! We've lived the same thing this week with those nagging little voices!)
I honestly didn't think what I did was all that bad. We were sitting together on the couch, discussing the other incident when I found myself blurting out something much bigger.
That particular day, we had an issue come up at the house that required His presence to deal with. Normally, we go to our daughter's school to have lunch with her, but this was one day that Ace told me to go alone as He needed to stay at home. And so, I went and spent some time with my daughter and then came home. Later, we were headed out the door to run a few errands before picking our daughter up from school. Ace took advantage of the privacy afforded us in the garage and gave me a few hard swats, after which I jumped into the driver's seat. We ran about town and finished all of the things we needed to do and then went to the school a few minutes early.
This is where I had my second "oh crap" moment. It was at this time that I realized I had been driving both times without my driver's license on me. I really never even thought about it until that moment. Normally I keep it in the bag I carry with me to work so I have it on me when I am driving back and forth. It never occurred to me to take it with me yesterday. I already knew Ace was driving home, and we were in public, so I tried to swallow down the "oh crap" feeling and move on. After all, nothing had happened and even if I would have been stopped, I have a clean record and the police in this town know our family (because Ace's dad works in the ER at the hospital so he has had to conduct business with them all at times and he is friends with a few of them otherwise) so I am pretty sure I would have gotten a warning at the worst. So, no harm done..........right???
Yeah, nope. No such luck. It was just killing me for the rest of the day. I already was preoccupied with the coming session, and I knew this wasn't something I was gonna be able to keep to myself. Nothing happened, but it could have and it could have cost me a ticket.
Fast forward to the evening. We were sitting together on the couch, discussing the other incident. There was a break in the conversation where neither of us was speaking---He was engrossed in the ball game and I was being hammered by my conscience and the anxiety of what was coming. And then, I found myself telling Him that I had something I needed to tell Him. He asked if it was something to do with the previous incident and I told Him no, it was something He didn't know about yet. Suffice to say, baseball no longer existed at that moment.
He encouraged me to tell Him and listened carefully. I had absolutely no idea how He was going to react, but I was not expecting the reaction I got at all!!!!
Have you ever heard the term "righteous anger"? My grandma used to use that all the time. She also used to call it getting quietly angry. And let me tell you, quiet anger is much MUCH scarier than loud anger. That smoldering look..........<shiver> He was angry, and it honestly scared me because this man has the patience of a saint and never gets this way with me. I have seen Him close, but never actually to this point.
To be honest, I was more than a little confused and surprised. It didn't seem like that terrible of a thing to me. What I didn't realize is that His mindset had gone to a whole different place. I would find this out later.
The issue was no longer about the smaller incident or even the plain fact of driving without a license. His big issue with me became........responsibility. He was angry that I knew better than these things and yet I had done them anyway with little or no thought. <gulp>
I couldn't argue. He was right, and I knew it. And of course, by this time, before the scolding and spanking even started I was feeling very small and chastised. I knew better.
And so, He decided things are going to change. Before He spanked me, I was informed that a few things are going to become rules for me. The first involves taking responsibility around the house (stemming from the smaller incident earlier) and I am never, ever to be in a car---even passenger---without my license.
This is a very big change for us. Ace has never, ever set down rules for me. And there has never really been any accountability for things like this specifically. I'm not exactly sure whats next for us, but this is definitely something I need. My parents set very specific rules for me and my siblings and we were held to them. As much as I hated it then, I can recognize now that I badly need that that structure and someone to answer to.
And then, the hardest part. This was a real discipline spanking. It changed my headspace completely----I was feeling very nervous and humbled by the control He had taken over me. There was no warm-up and no sympathy. He spanked me very hard with His hand and the silver hairbrush. I am sure this was the hardest spanking I have ever had for two reasons. First, He has never been truly angry with me when He has spanked me before, and I could feel the difference in His tone and His hand. Second, although there was little to no marking afterwards (none today) after He stopped, I had intense pain in my hips that brought me to tears.
Ace never strikes me on my hips-----its my most sensitive area and it is one thing I have asked Him never to do with me. He has always honored that---even on this night when He was quite upset with me. So for the record, it was not because He had spanked me there. I had taken more hard strokes with the brush than ever before and I think that pain just spread and registered differently. That pain, combined with having confessed to Him and been punished, was what brought me to tears.
To be honest, there wasn't a whole lot of comfort afterwards (not that I deserved any). He was concerned about the pain I was feeling and the difficulty I had with moving, but it was late and He had work to do, so He more or less left me to think about what had happened and gather myself. I tried to get a few things done, but was having a really hard time moving around, so after about fifteen minutes I gave up and laid down on the couch. He found me there sleeping a little while later, kissed me goodnight, and went to bed Himself.
Before you get too concerned, I am better today. I was a little stiff this morning and I could definitely still feel the effects of last night, but I am not permanently damaged or injured. I learned a hard lesson, and it's not one I am likely to forget soon.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Tonight
So, I was sitting here minding my own business when Ace came in. He sat beside me and we talked for a few minutes about nothing in particular. Then out of nowhere :
"You're getting a spanking tonight."
WHAAAAA???? WHOOOOO, MEEEEEEE???????
"But........babe, why? What did I do?" I was concerned initially, but looking at Him I could see He wasn't angry and I couldn't think of anything I had done that was too serious.
He gave His reason for it..............and................I guess, its true, I deserve it. Something I didn't do that I was supposed to. I dropped my eyes to the floor and whispered an apology. He pulled me into a hug and told me it's ok, we will take care of it tonight.
< sigh >
I'm getting spanked tonight.
"You're getting a spanking tonight."
WHAAAAA???? WHOOOOO, MEEEEEEE???????
"But........babe, why? What did I do?" I was concerned initially, but looking at Him I could see He wasn't angry and I couldn't think of anything I had done that was too serious.
He gave His reason for it..............and................I guess, its true, I deserve it. Something I didn't do that I was supposed to. I dropped my eyes to the floor and whispered an apology. He pulled me into a hug and told me it's ok, we will take care of it tonight.
< sigh >
I'm getting spanked tonight.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Brat Part 3......The Conclusion
(Check out parts 1 & 2 for the whole story!)
Well, I knew I had it coming. I also knew He was still carrying the mood of the day and it wasn't going to be a serious session. He led me into the bedroom and pointed to my customary starting postion---standing at the headboard. He spanked me there for a few minutes then had me lay down on the bed and began to alternate with His hands and the silver hairbrush.
The baseball game was on (a major distraction) and at one point He cursed a few times, punctuating each word with a crack by the brush. After three, I stated that the problem with the ball game wasn't my fault and I didn't do it. He muttered something about me being in the wrong place at the wrong time and continued to spank away. :)
After almost an hour, He announced that it was time to start the "hard ones" (the heavy handed swats that usually end our sessions) and that I would be getting 100. (oy!) He again alternated between His hand and the hairbrush and by 50 I was very close to tears. He could tell I was struggling with it (because I didn't struggle or move and was trying to stay quiet), so He stopped for a few minutes and massaged my shoulders and back. When I was calm, He continued up to 90, then stopped again. And this is where the fourth thing comes into play. Remember in the last post, I mentioned the four things that had happened and how this one was both serious and scary??
Ace and I were driving through town after dropping my daughter off at school one morning. We were headed down the main street in town and we caught the red light at the only traffic light that is downtown at all. Ace slowed down, stopped, and we sat there for a minute. But then, He turned to say something to me and without thinking about it, began to drive forward through the intersection. At that exact moment, a huge car was approaching from the street on the right (my side of the car) and the driver hit his brakes just in time to miss slamming into our passenger side (and hence, me) by only inches.
After realizing we weren't hit, the only thing I could think of was to ask Ace if He was ok. I was worried something had happened to Him, because He never would have done something like that. He responded that He was fine, He hadn't blacked out or anything, He just wasn't thinking when He turned to me and took His foot off the brake. As scary as it was for a minute, I was very thankful He was ok and nothing serious had caused it. And as much as I wanted to, I bit down on my tongue and didn't chide Him for it. It was an accident after all and I knew He felt bad about it.
So, back to tonight. We had been talking about that for a minute earlier in the day, and I reassured Him that it was alright and just an accident, and thank goodness no one was hurt. I could tell He was still a bit bummed about it though, so I built up some courage and blurted out:
"You ought to be spanked for doing that, you know". (oh my lord, what did I just say?!?!?). His head snapped up, and I could tell He was thinking about what He had just heard. I held my breath----I had absolutely no idea how He was going to react to that. He mulled it over for a minute, and then just shrugged and I figured it was forgotten.
And then tonight, just before He gave me the last 10, the subject came up again. I asked Him what He would have done if that would have been me and He assured me that I didnt want to know (yikes). I could tell He was working on the idea, so I gave Him a few minutes to sort it through in His mind and decide what to say. He finally asked me what I thought would be a fair punishment. (insert mind spinning shock here).
Well, I had been royally spanked so far and still had more coming to me, not to mention He was sitting beside me turning the silver brush over in His hands. I needed less than a second to come up with my answer:
"I dont know, I'm no Top" I said dismissively and then I turned away, waiting for Him to finish the last 10.
When He didnt start up, I looked back at Him and found Him smiling at me, with a look that's hard to describe.
"What?" I asked.
"That was the perfect answer" I could tell that had pleased Him. I hadn't put any thought into that response really, it was more or less a reflex, but as I thought about it I could see what He meant. I had left it in His hands---I would never want to decide something like that for Him or anyone else---and He appreciated me staying in my role and not taking the opportunity to be Toppy with Him when I could have been.
He finished the final ten for me (owie) and then, believe it or not, He set a number for Himself and allowed me to spank Him. It was not enjoyable, at all! He agreed to a total of six, four with my hand and two with the brush and I delivered them softly and with quite a bit of encouragement (and a small bit of lecturing) in between. I was relieved when it was over---I don't think I ever want to do that again.
During this time, He had been thinking, and reminded me of a time years ago, when I hadn't exactly followed traffic rules. Well, fair is fair. I had spanked Him for it and deserved the same as He had taken. He disagreed. Stating the fact that He was a Top and therefore was subject to less than I am as a bottom (what a lovely excuse) He decided that it should be doubled for me! He also decided that since it had been a few years since the incident and I had waited so long to be punished for it, I should receive penalty strokes as well (oy). He was kind enough to suggest only two extra and I readily agreed.
"So that makes eight with my hand, and six with the brush" He stated. It took less than a second for me to catch that.
"Wait a minute.........." I started, and He laughed.
"Yes, I added the two extra to the hairbrush" (oy). I bargained with Him and got Him to split the two so I got one extra with each instead.
A few minutes later, it was over. I reached back for a quick rub, and was greeted by a few light taps of the hairbrush on my hand. That caught my attention very quickly. I laid on my side and made a comment about how much it hurt my hands (even though it was only tapping with the brush). I could see a glint come into his eye, and it certainly didnt bode well for me.
"Wait here" He got up, went out, and within minutes I could hear Him opening and closing cabinet doors. I heard His footsteps returning and when He came back into the bedroom I could see He was holding something in His hand, although I couldn't see what it was. He held it out for me.
A ruler.
He pulled me into a sitting position on the bed (not exactly comfortable, but at least it was the bed and not a chair!) He had me hold out my hand and brought the ruler down rather hard, making me jump and pull my hand away. He was surprised by my reaction.
"Did it really hurt that much?" He asked. I nodded and held out my hand for Him to see. My palm was bright red. He told me He hadn't intended to strike me that hard and I assured Him that it was ok (it looked worse than it was, although it did burn like fire). I offered Him my other hand and let Him try again. The second was lighter than the first, and He followed it up with another before I could pull away. We continued alternating hands for a few more strokes, then He informed me I would be getting three more hard ones on each hand.
He started with my right hand. He had me extend my hand and He held my wrist so I couldnt pull away. He gave me the first one, bringing the ruler down hard again and my hand immediately closed into a fist. He spoke to me quietly and opened my hand. As He raised the ruler again, I stopped Him and asked if we could alternate hands and He agreed. After the first four, my hands were burning and I was having a difficult time accepting more. He allowed me a few minutes to gather myself and I took the last two. It was over.
Over all, it had been quite a day. By the time we were done, it was rather late and we were both tired. It was a good experience though and I am glad we seem to be getting back to where we were.
Well, I knew I had it coming. I also knew He was still carrying the mood of the day and it wasn't going to be a serious session. He led me into the bedroom and pointed to my customary starting postion---standing at the headboard. He spanked me there for a few minutes then had me lay down on the bed and began to alternate with His hands and the silver hairbrush.
The baseball game was on (a major distraction) and at one point He cursed a few times, punctuating each word with a crack by the brush. After three, I stated that the problem with the ball game wasn't my fault and I didn't do it. He muttered something about me being in the wrong place at the wrong time and continued to spank away. :)
After almost an hour, He announced that it was time to start the "hard ones" (the heavy handed swats that usually end our sessions) and that I would be getting 100. (oy!) He again alternated between His hand and the hairbrush and by 50 I was very close to tears. He could tell I was struggling with it (because I didn't struggle or move and was trying to stay quiet), so He stopped for a few minutes and massaged my shoulders and back. When I was calm, He continued up to 90, then stopped again. And this is where the fourth thing comes into play. Remember in the last post, I mentioned the four things that had happened and how this one was both serious and scary??
Ace and I were driving through town after dropping my daughter off at school one morning. We were headed down the main street in town and we caught the red light at the only traffic light that is downtown at all. Ace slowed down, stopped, and we sat there for a minute. But then, He turned to say something to me and without thinking about it, began to drive forward through the intersection. At that exact moment, a huge car was approaching from the street on the right (my side of the car) and the driver hit his brakes just in time to miss slamming into our passenger side (and hence, me) by only inches.
After realizing we weren't hit, the only thing I could think of was to ask Ace if He was ok. I was worried something had happened to Him, because He never would have done something like that. He responded that He was fine, He hadn't blacked out or anything, He just wasn't thinking when He turned to me and took His foot off the brake. As scary as it was for a minute, I was very thankful He was ok and nothing serious had caused it. And as much as I wanted to, I bit down on my tongue and didn't chide Him for it. It was an accident after all and I knew He felt bad about it.
So, back to tonight. We had been talking about that for a minute earlier in the day, and I reassured Him that it was alright and just an accident, and thank goodness no one was hurt. I could tell He was still a bit bummed about it though, so I built up some courage and blurted out:
"You ought to be spanked for doing that, you know". (oh my lord, what did I just say?!?!?). His head snapped up, and I could tell He was thinking about what He had just heard. I held my breath----I had absolutely no idea how He was going to react to that. He mulled it over for a minute, and then just shrugged and I figured it was forgotten.
And then tonight, just before He gave me the last 10, the subject came up again. I asked Him what He would have done if that would have been me and He assured me that I didnt want to know (yikes). I could tell He was working on the idea, so I gave Him a few minutes to sort it through in His mind and decide what to say. He finally asked me what I thought would be a fair punishment. (insert mind spinning shock here).
Well, I had been royally spanked so far and still had more coming to me, not to mention He was sitting beside me turning the silver brush over in His hands. I needed less than a second to come up with my answer:
"I dont know, I'm no Top" I said dismissively and then I turned away, waiting for Him to finish the last 10.
When He didnt start up, I looked back at Him and found Him smiling at me, with a look that's hard to describe.
"What?" I asked.
"That was the perfect answer" I could tell that had pleased Him. I hadn't put any thought into that response really, it was more or less a reflex, but as I thought about it I could see what He meant. I had left it in His hands---I would never want to decide something like that for Him or anyone else---and He appreciated me staying in my role and not taking the opportunity to be Toppy with Him when I could have been.
He finished the final ten for me (owie) and then, believe it or not, He set a number for Himself and allowed me to spank Him. It was not enjoyable, at all! He agreed to a total of six, four with my hand and two with the brush and I delivered them softly and with quite a bit of encouragement (and a small bit of lecturing) in between. I was relieved when it was over---I don't think I ever want to do that again.
During this time, He had been thinking, and reminded me of a time years ago, when I hadn't exactly followed traffic rules. Well, fair is fair. I had spanked Him for it and deserved the same as He had taken. He disagreed. Stating the fact that He was a Top and therefore was subject to less than I am as a bottom (what a lovely excuse) He decided that it should be doubled for me! He also decided that since it had been a few years since the incident and I had waited so long to be punished for it, I should receive penalty strokes as well (oy). He was kind enough to suggest only two extra and I readily agreed.
"So that makes eight with my hand, and six with the brush" He stated. It took less than a second for me to catch that.
"Wait a minute.........." I started, and He laughed.
"Yes, I added the two extra to the hairbrush" (oy). I bargained with Him and got Him to split the two so I got one extra with each instead.
A few minutes later, it was over. I reached back for a quick rub, and was greeted by a few light taps of the hairbrush on my hand. That caught my attention very quickly. I laid on my side and made a comment about how much it hurt my hands (even though it was only tapping with the brush). I could see a glint come into his eye, and it certainly didnt bode well for me.
"Wait here" He got up, went out, and within minutes I could hear Him opening and closing cabinet doors. I heard His footsteps returning and when He came back into the bedroom I could see He was holding something in His hand, although I couldn't see what it was. He held it out for me.
A ruler.
He pulled me into a sitting position on the bed (not exactly comfortable, but at least it was the bed and not a chair!) He had me hold out my hand and brought the ruler down rather hard, making me jump and pull my hand away. He was surprised by my reaction.
"Did it really hurt that much?" He asked. I nodded and held out my hand for Him to see. My palm was bright red. He told me He hadn't intended to strike me that hard and I assured Him that it was ok (it looked worse than it was, although it did burn like fire). I offered Him my other hand and let Him try again. The second was lighter than the first, and He followed it up with another before I could pull away. We continued alternating hands for a few more strokes, then He informed me I would be getting three more hard ones on each hand.
He started with my right hand. He had me extend my hand and He held my wrist so I couldnt pull away. He gave me the first one, bringing the ruler down hard again and my hand immediately closed into a fist. He spoke to me quietly and opened my hand. As He raised the ruler again, I stopped Him and asked if we could alternate hands and He agreed. After the first four, my hands were burning and I was having a difficult time accepting more. He allowed me a few minutes to gather myself and I took the last two. It was over.
Over all, it had been quite a day. By the time we were done, it was rather late and we were both tired. It was a good experience though and I am glad we seem to be getting back to where we were.
Brat Part 2
So by now, we had been having a really good time together. The day had become a regular comedy of errors which we incorporated into the fun we were having. Four things happened that I teased Him for being responsible for--three were entirely out of His control and designed only to make Him laugh and keep the fun going.
1. The checkout at the grocery store completely shut down on us after we rang up all of the groceries and it took a good twenty minutes to get it all sorted out. Since He was using it, it was naturally His fault! : P
2. We went to lunch and the waitress messed up both of our orders! :P (Even though I was teasing Him about this, I do love it when He orders for me--it makes me feel so submissive)
3. Ok, this one's a bit silly. I was making a face at Him as we went out to the car and tripped in the garage (graceful, that's me! :P). Being the garage (man territory) it was, of course, His fault for stacking those things right there where I would naturally trip over them.......right? lol :)
4. This one I will save and explain in a few minutes---this was something serious / scary that really did happen a few days ago........I'll explain in a bit.
So anywho, I was teasing Him about these things and He was playing along.........at least, He was then. When we got home, we found that we had an opportunity to have the house to ourselves and He decided to use it! He informed me I was getting "the first part" of a spanking for being a brat ( the first part.......I dont like the sound of that!!). He marched me quickly into the bedroom, bent me over the bed and began spanking me very hard with His hands (no warmup, sheesh!!!). After a few dozen, He stopped and I stood up, assuming we were done. He pushed me back down, and I heard the closet door open and close (insert oh crap feeling here). I looked back at Him just in time to catch a glimpse of silver as He cracked me hard with the hairbrush. He gave me a least a dozen (no, I didn't count) before finally letting me up.
I tell you what folks, after a few weeks of non-activity, that HURT!!!!!!!! He soothed me for a few minutes then lifted my chin and looked into my eyes.
"Are you going to start behaving now??" He asked.
" Oh, I highly doubt it, Love" I grinned.
"Yeah, I figured as much" He laughed.
Fast forward to tonight. Our daughter is asleep and the house is quiet. Ace has just informed me that I will be receiving the other half of my spanking for being a brat.....yikes! I went weeks without it, and now somehow I've managed to earn two in just one day! Oy! I'll let you know the conclusion in Part 3! :)
1. The checkout at the grocery store completely shut down on us after we rang up all of the groceries and it took a good twenty minutes to get it all sorted out. Since He was using it, it was naturally His fault! : P
2. We went to lunch and the waitress messed up both of our orders! :P (Even though I was teasing Him about this, I do love it when He orders for me--it makes me feel so submissive)
3. Ok, this one's a bit silly. I was making a face at Him as we went out to the car and tripped in the garage (graceful, that's me! :P). Being the garage (man territory) it was, of course, His fault for stacking those things right there where I would naturally trip over them.......right? lol :)
4. This one I will save and explain in a few minutes---this was something serious / scary that really did happen a few days ago........I'll explain in a bit.
So anywho, I was teasing Him about these things and He was playing along.........at least, He was then. When we got home, we found that we had an opportunity to have the house to ourselves and He decided to use it! He informed me I was getting "the first part" of a spanking for being a brat ( the first part.......I dont like the sound of that!!). He marched me quickly into the bedroom, bent me over the bed and began spanking me very hard with His hands (no warmup, sheesh!!!). After a few dozen, He stopped and I stood up, assuming we were done. He pushed me back down, and I heard the closet door open and close (insert oh crap feeling here). I looked back at Him just in time to catch a glimpse of silver as He cracked me hard with the hairbrush. He gave me a least a dozen (no, I didn't count) before finally letting me up.
I tell you what folks, after a few weeks of non-activity, that HURT!!!!!!!! He soothed me for a few minutes then lifted my chin and looked into my eyes.
"Are you going to start behaving now??" He asked.
" Oh, I highly doubt it, Love" I grinned.
"Yeah, I figured as much" He laughed.
Fast forward to tonight. Our daughter is asleep and the house is quiet. Ace has just informed me that I will be receiving the other half of my spanking for being a brat.....yikes! I went weeks without it, and now somehow I've managed to earn two in just one day! Oy! I'll let you know the conclusion in Part 3! :)
Brat Part 1
So, not much activity here for awhile. Not much activity in general, actually.
I kinda went nuts for a few days. That happens sometimes. Its been a long time since the last time, but it hasn't gotten any easier. I just completely lost it. I began to doubt everyone and everything. I seriously considered leaving(in more ways than one). I just felt completely lost. Demons from my past recognized their opportunity and swooped in for the kill. They break off a little chunk of my soul each time---I don't know how much is left for sure.
Obviously, what had been routine activity for us completely stopped. Ace was confused and hurt and well, I think I even scared Him. There were a few times I wasn't real sure if He was gonna kill me, commit me, or run away. I didn't want anything to stop and I thought I was being relatively clear about that point, but in reality I was being vague and edgy, laughing one minute and bawling the next, angry that everything seemed to be changing and none of it was my idea. Angry and hurt about things that happened years ago that I can't change and should be over by now. I'm not. They still hurt. I'm not exactly sure how to dismiss those things. Until I learn, my strategy continues--- bottle it up, hold it down for as many years as I can (made it 7 this time) then let it explode, lose it all and start over. That's not fair. To me or to Him. I know it, but I also know there's not a stinking thing I can do about it. I hate that.
I want so much to be submissive, to be a good wife for Him. Falling apart and scaring the crap out of Him in general prolly isn't the best way to go about it. I wish I knew what to do.
We finally had it out, He and I. He had enough of my silent sulking and asked to speak to me. He had asked before and I did the standard "everything's great, no problem..........we have _______ we need to get done" to avert attention. When He finally had enough, He demanded that we talk, the first attempt sitting on the couch with mostly Him talking and me clamming up (my standard mode of defense). After trying unsuccessfully to get me talking, He took my hand and asked to speak with me in the bedroom. That froze me for a second and I became suspicious. He assured me it was to talk only and so I followed Him. It took awhile, but He eventually got me talking and once I started, everything rushed out. He listened, consoled me and gave me some good advice.
I was feeling a bit nervous towards the end of our talk. I knew I had been a royal pain to live with for a few days and was fully expecting that to be addressed. I had calmed down and cleared my head (and my heart) and was mentally reviewing the past few days and what the consequences would be. <shiver>
He didn't spank me though. He didn't even punish me (as much as I deserved it). He gave me a firm lecture about not building up walls and hiding behind them, angry and depressed and about learning to talk to Him before losing my mind, instead of trying to explain it after.
I've been feeling much better since then. I think I just needed alot of reassurance about alot of things and to share things that have been hurting me since I was a chikl and feel like someone might actually help me get past it. He didn't realize I had so many things bottled up and confessed feeling guilty about it, which in turn made me feel guilty---I was not intending to make Him feel that way. There was no way He could ever have known those things were there without me telling Him, and I made sure He understood that.
As I said, I have been feeling much better since then and I know this has been a relief for Ace as well (bless the man for His patience!!). He's been taking His time with me---as much as I want to get back into our routines, He wants to make sure I'm completely well (and sane) before we move on. He's given me a few random swats here and there, but up until today I couldnt remember the last time I was really spanked. Its been weeks!
We were in the grocery store today, and I decided to play around with Him a bit. We needed to get back the fun we had been missing. I started messing around, trying to step on the backs of His feet, steering the shopping cart into things, and poking Him in the ribs when He was talking to hear the funny squeak His voice makes :) He was laughing at my silliness and playing at being Toppy with me (all with a huge grin). At one point, He gave me an almighty smack, and although we were the only ones in that particular aisle, we were not alone in the store by any means and I am quite sure someone heard it. I was shocked. I stood there, mouth open, staring at Him, wondering if He had lost His mind. We were in public, for goodness sakes!! :) :)
"I cant believe you just did that" I whispered.
"Well, you should. You've been being a brat all morning!" (no attempt at whispering here, that was full voice)
WHOA! Thats the first time Ace has ever, ever, EVER called me a brat! :)
We both smiled and continued on our way. I kept up my antics as we made our way through the store, making Him laugh. We were both having a good time. At one point, He took me by the arm and moved me over to the side of the shopping cart.
"If you dont stop this nonsense, I'm gonna spank you right here and now!" (um....yeah....oy, eek, and omg!)
My jaw dropped right to the floor and I stared at Him in complete shock. He just smiled at me, and I swear I think He really wanted to do it. I was feeling more than a little playful by now, so I bent over the side of the cart just a little, looked Him right in the eyes and said :
"I dare you."
It was His turn to look surprised! He raised His hand and warned that any more acting up from me and He really would. I tensed, waiting for Him to bring His hand down, but instead He just smiled and moved me off the cart so we could finish shopping. (bummer!) ; )
I'll continue in Part 2----it gets even better, keep reading! :)
I kinda went nuts for a few days. That happens sometimes. Its been a long time since the last time, but it hasn't gotten any easier. I just completely lost it. I began to doubt everyone and everything. I seriously considered leaving(in more ways than one). I just felt completely lost. Demons from my past recognized their opportunity and swooped in for the kill. They break off a little chunk of my soul each time---I don't know how much is left for sure.
Obviously, what had been routine activity for us completely stopped. Ace was confused and hurt and well, I think I even scared Him. There were a few times I wasn't real sure if He was gonna kill me, commit me, or run away. I didn't want anything to stop and I thought I was being relatively clear about that point, but in reality I was being vague and edgy, laughing one minute and bawling the next, angry that everything seemed to be changing and none of it was my idea. Angry and hurt about things that happened years ago that I can't change and should be over by now. I'm not. They still hurt. I'm not exactly sure how to dismiss those things. Until I learn, my strategy continues--- bottle it up, hold it down for as many years as I can (made it 7 this time) then let it explode, lose it all and start over. That's not fair. To me or to Him. I know it, but I also know there's not a stinking thing I can do about it. I hate that.
I want so much to be submissive, to be a good wife for Him. Falling apart and scaring the crap out of Him in general prolly isn't the best way to go about it. I wish I knew what to do.
We finally had it out, He and I. He had enough of my silent sulking and asked to speak to me. He had asked before and I did the standard "everything's great, no problem..........we have _______ we need to get done" to avert attention. When He finally had enough, He demanded that we talk, the first attempt sitting on the couch with mostly Him talking and me clamming up (my standard mode of defense). After trying unsuccessfully to get me talking, He took my hand and asked to speak with me in the bedroom. That froze me for a second and I became suspicious. He assured me it was to talk only and so I followed Him. It took awhile, but He eventually got me talking and once I started, everything rushed out. He listened, consoled me and gave me some good advice.
I was feeling a bit nervous towards the end of our talk. I knew I had been a royal pain to live with for a few days and was fully expecting that to be addressed. I had calmed down and cleared my head (and my heart) and was mentally reviewing the past few days and what the consequences would be. <shiver>
He didn't spank me though. He didn't even punish me (as much as I deserved it). He gave me a firm lecture about not building up walls and hiding behind them, angry and depressed and about learning to talk to Him before losing my mind, instead of trying to explain it after.
I've been feeling much better since then. I think I just needed alot of reassurance about alot of things and to share things that have been hurting me since I was a chikl and feel like someone might actually help me get past it. He didn't realize I had so many things bottled up and confessed feeling guilty about it, which in turn made me feel guilty---I was not intending to make Him feel that way. There was no way He could ever have known those things were there without me telling Him, and I made sure He understood that.
As I said, I have been feeling much better since then and I know this has been a relief for Ace as well (bless the man for His patience!!). He's been taking His time with me---as much as I want to get back into our routines, He wants to make sure I'm completely well (and sane) before we move on. He's given me a few random swats here and there, but up until today I couldnt remember the last time I was really spanked. Its been weeks!
We were in the grocery store today, and I decided to play around with Him a bit. We needed to get back the fun we had been missing. I started messing around, trying to step on the backs of His feet, steering the shopping cart into things, and poking Him in the ribs when He was talking to hear the funny squeak His voice makes :) He was laughing at my silliness and playing at being Toppy with me (all with a huge grin). At one point, He gave me an almighty smack, and although we were the only ones in that particular aisle, we were not alone in the store by any means and I am quite sure someone heard it. I was shocked. I stood there, mouth open, staring at Him, wondering if He had lost His mind. We were in public, for goodness sakes!! :) :)
"I cant believe you just did that" I whispered.
"Well, you should. You've been being a brat all morning!" (no attempt at whispering here, that was full voice)
WHOA! Thats the first time Ace has ever, ever, EVER called me a brat! :)
We both smiled and continued on our way. I kept up my antics as we made our way through the store, making Him laugh. We were both having a good time. At one point, He took me by the arm and moved me over to the side of the shopping cart.
"If you dont stop this nonsense, I'm gonna spank you right here and now!" (um....yeah....oy, eek, and omg!)
My jaw dropped right to the floor and I stared at Him in complete shock. He just smiled at me, and I swear I think He really wanted to do it. I was feeling more than a little playful by now, so I bent over the side of the cart just a little, looked Him right in the eyes and said :
"I dare you."
It was His turn to look surprised! He raised His hand and warned that any more acting up from me and He really would. I tensed, waiting for Him to bring His hand down, but instead He just smiled and moved me off the cart so we could finish shopping. (bummer!) ; )
I'll continue in Part 2----it gets even better, keep reading! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)