Another post that's going to be pretty much vanilla. Fair warning.
Ace's grandmother passed away yesterday morning. This is a very hard loss for Him and His family. His grandmother was an essential part of His life, she cared for Him when He was little and parents were working, and since we have been married we've lived here, in her house, with her. The last couple of years, it helped ensure she could stay home and not have to go to assisted living or a nursing home--she had someone here to watch/care for her. The last year has been really hard--she developed a very fast moving form of dementia, and in the last few weeks, had been to the point that she could not stay awake, eat or drink, without being forced to. Its been hard on the family to watch her decline--she was a very strong willed lady but she loved her children and grandchildren fiercely.
Watching my mother-in-law deal with the loss of her mother has been very difficult-it opens up all the hurt I have with the loss of my dad. My mother-in-law and I are actually relating on a personal level we've never had before, both feeling the loss of our parent that we were not ready for.
My visitations from my Dad have continued. Walking outside, white feathers have dropped from the sky. There was one day, at work, when one dropped out of nowhere--I work inside, in a relatively small building, and there is nothing even remotely close to feathers in there. The best sign from him though was the night of my college graduation rehearsal (I graduated, finally! Yay!). I was sitting alone in the middle of a row, with open seats on either side of me. As instructions were being given, all of the sudden the lights flickered several times, then things started falling from the light nearest to me on my right. The rehearsal was inside what is usually a gymnasium, so the lights were very high up to prevent them from being broken. After a few minutes, we all left the gym to practice the processional, and on the way out I went over to see if I could find what had fallen, but there was nothing there. No one had come and cleaned it up. There were all empty seats to my right, so I would have seen if anyone had done so. And I know it was not just a trick of the eye. I looked up and watched for several minutes as things fell from the light, they just were not there when I looked for them.
We also had an incredible sign from His grandma. She passed away here at home, quietly in her sleep. The funeral home director had come and gone, and the house was quiet. I was walking through my dining room, when I looked outside, and there was a female cardinal sitting outside on the upper ledge of my porch. Its said that cardinals, within hours of a death, will often appear at the home of the deceased to bring comfort to those who are grieving. When this happens, the gender of the cardinal will correspond to the gender of the person who has passed. Cardinals are very rare around here--its been years since I have seen one. I was able to snap several pictures of her--even though I was standing less than a few feet from her, and my camera was taking flash photos, she stayed and didn't seem to be frightened at all.
Ace's mom loves birds, she has cardinal statues and pictures in her house and His grandmother often wore shirts with cardinals on them. I shared this with His mom in a quiet moment yesterday, so she could have the peace of knowing that her mom is still here. It was an incredible gift to her and the family.
With all the busyness going on, and all of the concern and now sadness revolving around His grandma, our interactions within the lifestyle have been few and far between. I think I've been spanked once in the last two or three weeks. We have just been busy, His heart is not in it, and I'm not pushing it because I know where we both are emotionally, and its just not something we can do right now. He needs to be with His family, that's number one right now. Does that make it easier for me? No. Do I want it this way? No. Aren't I happy to not be getting spanked? No. But that's how it is, for now.
~sugar
