Changes

Lots of changes going on this week---its been a whirlwind. Between school, work, all of my daughter's activities, and other commitments there hasnt been a whole lot of time for us to figure out where we are going with this.

I followed through with His request and shared more thoughts and ideas with Him. We found a few minutes together, He asked some questions and I did my best to answer them. Its hard to describe how He is feeling about this right now. Maybe a combination of freaked out, nervous, surprised, anxious, amused, and intrigued.......all at once (some more than others).

As I said, lots of changes. He's definitely trying. I've asked Him to step more into the dominant role in our relationship---I dont want that to be mine anymore, and He has taken that to heart.

He set up definitive rules and expectations of me---I asked Him to do so, I need to feel like there is structure here instead of floundering around, doing what I want and when without knowing or even caring what He thinks. That obviously wasnt working. Now I have at least a few things to keep me focused and centered where I need and want to be. It feels so much better, for both of us. Its given us both a way to know what the other wants without waiting to find out until frustration and defensiveness have already set in. This is hard to explain. It sounds like we were fighting/angry at each other all the time before this and thats not true at all. We never fight. But I do think there were things I was doing that frustrated Him, although He didnt accuse me of them or even decide to vocalize them. They were there, pulling us apart, without us knowing or even really caring.....we just kinda let them go, without taking time to address the negative impact on us.

When we discussed setting up specific house rules, He was apprehensive and unsure, centered around the idea of feeling like He would be treating me like a child, instead of His wife and partner (have I mentioned how much I love this man?) Most of His questions involved this idea---it was difficult for me to explain to Him how I felt and what the differences were. He has agreed to it, but I'm not sure He fully understands why just yet. We worked together on what the rules would be. One was already in place, regarding me having my driver's license on me at all times. The rest include more responsibilty around the house, spending at least an hour on schoolwork a day (that one will be difficult for me, I'm a procrastinator), watching/working on my temper, and  (at lest until I get feeling better) getting more sleep at night (so far, not a problem as I am falling asleep early in the evenings anyway). I was expecting leniency the first day or two the rules were in place--its a big adjustment after all---but Ace held me to them from the very beginning. And I am glad that He did. If He had made exceptions, I am sure I would look for exceptions again.

I'm surprised reading over this how long it is---I wasnt intending it to be or to necessarily share as much as I have. At the same time, this is only scratching the surface and there is no way I could explain the intimate details of the changes taking place. Its much more complicated and intricate than this. I am going to be more choosy about what I am putting out here---I feel like I may have been sharing too much in the past, and not keeping enough of this for just Ace and I. That may have been factoring into the difficulties we've had.

Anyway, thank you all for reading and commenting on the blog. Its appreciated! I was going to participate in the Love our Lurkers day and then changed my mind---I dont know that there are that many lurkers to this page anywho. If you are, feel free to de-lurk here or elsewhere---most bloggers I know appreciate knowing who exactly is reading/following their blog.  :)