Christmas

Well, littles' birthday is over.....gosh darn its hard to believe that child is 6 already! Time flies.......    This is always my favorite time of the year by far, but its a little bittersweet. I've had an ungodly number of people ask me when we are having our next child---none of whom know about the little one we lost. Its been really hard, I'm swallowing down a lump in my throat even as I type this. Its been a more than a year, for all practical purposes I should be over it. But I just cannot let it go. I've had it suggested that I may need to attend grief counseling---I have a whole bunch of mixed up emotions about that. It might help, but at the other hand I feel like a) I shouldnt need it, and b) its not fair of me to take something like this to a counselor when its something I should be able to handle myself. There is alot of guilt with this. Alot of hurt. I think any woman that can just "get over" this, move on and even have more kids after it is incredibly strong. I'm not that woman.

Ok, this isnt what I was intending to post about at all. Like I said, littles had her birthday party--the second one this year---and it was really great. Her nana gave her another American Girl doll--she has had the Bitty Baby ones but this is her first full size one and she was thrilled. Party went off without a hitch. We are all pretty tired, but I know it was worth it to have her be so happy.

We had Christmas with Ace's family today. Doing things a bit different this year---opened presents tonight, but having Christmas dinner there tomorrow evening. Tomorrow morning, Ace, littles, and I will have our own little Christmas---a tradtion we started for the three of us when she was born. We wanted to have our own special time to be together and exchange gifts without the extra family. Looking forward to that time with my loves, as always.

Tonight was really great! While I dont always agree with my in-laws (they still think Ace made a mistake with me) they are, to be honest, unfailingly generous at the holiday season. My favorite gift this year from "Mom and Dad" is this:

*Huge grin* Ok, so my in laws have had one of these benches in their living room for a few years and I have always loved it---and this year they surprised us with one of our own! I've told Ace (privately) many times that this would make a fantastic spanking bench, and that we should get one. As soon as we saw it, He turned to me, with His back to His parents, and gave me the biggest grin ever! I know what He was was thinking! As soon as we had a few seconds alone, He whispered evil naughty things He plans to do with it  and my response was "They may not be as vanilla as we think they are"! (although I am pretty sure they have no idea what we see in it) :)I am absolutely tickled with it. The top flips over to make serving trays or a coffe table space and the bottom is open for storage. Ace mentioned off-handedly that we could use it to hold our implements, prompting a rather startled look from me! :) He then amended that to say "If it were anyplace but the living room " *insert sigh of relief here* Its just fantastic, I cant wait to use it for everything but its intended purpose.

I've not been spanked in over two weeks----the health stuff and then busyness have prevented us from having the time. I am surprised to find that I dont actually need it. I have been behaving appallingly well, for me, following all of Ace's directions, keeping my temper, getting everything done, and still finding time to rest and get myself better in between. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about going back to it. We have a few new implements that have been neglected and now a new spanking bench as well. Dont know for sure when we will get around to it, but hopefully a nice gg spanking sometime soon.

I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday! Looking forward to the New Year! :) ~sugar and Ace

P.S. I've learned a few new setups for my Tarot cards---I love doing readings for people, if you want one just let me know and I'll get back to you! :) I am not a professional and it is all just for fun, so please dont take it too seriously. The answers given are usually pretty broad and can be interpreted different ways depending on personality and mindset. Consider that my disclaimer. :)