Sunflowers

So, I've been feeling really down this last week--I ended up with vertigo and its been making me really uncomfortable. Today, the medicine I was given is finally helping....YAY!! It makes me drowsy but thats much better than being dizzy. We had an hour and a half car ride(each way) to go get Ace's brother yesterday from the airport. It wasnt the most comfortable ride but thankfully I was asleep on the way over so I didnt have time to get sick. On the way home, I had the most amazing experience. Most of the area around us consists of farms in between a few small towns until you get to the one bigger city that has the airport. As we were traveling, we came up over the top of a hill to a giant field filled with sunflowers as far as I could see. Right at that moment, the sun broke through the clouds and beamed down on all of those gorgeous flowers. I cant tell you what that did for me......it was like Mother Nature reached down and squeezed a moment of pure bliss on my soul and lifted me straight up through the clouds with her. It literally felt like the car stopped moving for a few minutes and I was just floating there, watching the sun kiss the flowers. It was an awesome moment, and it couldnt have come at a better time. :)

I had another dream regarding the wonderful group of people I was able to join(mentioned in previous posts). I had finally decided to go to an event by myself, but halfway there I got cold feet and tried to call Ace to come and get me. For whatever reason, I had no idea where I was or how to tell Him the way there. Someone came by and told me not to worry about it, I would be shown the way home afterwards so just relax(rather prophetic sounding). I went into a building where I was immediately met by the girl who is famous for welcoming newbies :) We were walking down a hallway when she mentioned two people walking towards us. One person went unnamed, the other she pointed out as a Top from the group. I remember I was looking at the floor and was almost scared to look up. When I did, I just about  fell over--I had a clear picture of what I thought that particular person would look like and what I saw was so very different I could hardly believe it could be that person. We nodded to each other in passing but nothing more was said at that time. The only other thing I remember was being in a room that looked like an office, sorting file folders for some reason, when that same Top looked around the corner of the door and startled me. He came in and introduced Himself and we shook hands, and unfortunately I woke up before anything more occurred. Not sure if this means I will get to an event or I wont, I guess that remains to be seen.

In real life, its been a while since I've been spanked. The vertigo has neccessitated an unfortunate reprieve :(  Ace told me today though that its been too long and I am overdue (no arguments from me!) Its now 8:45 and our baby is asleep----I'm sitting here nervous and fluttery, wondering if its going to be tonight. Its been more than a week so I know my tolerance will be way down, but I also know I cant go without it for much longer. I havent exactly been the best behaved girl in the world this week---I need a good attitude adjustment.

Next post either tomorrow or the next day-- I've been thinking alot on the idea of transparency......I have a few things to share if I can get up the nerve to. Still dealing with feelings of overall safety in putting myself completely out there for the world to see (and to judge)........not sure exactly whats gonna happen just yet.......  

P.S. There's been a little time lapse here---suffice to say my attitude is adjusted enough that I think I can behave myself and get through another work day tomorrow.....that wasnt much of a beating (He's worried about me) but I am taking it to heart---His kindness and compassion make me want to be good tomorrow so I wont disappoint Him.